Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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