so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize