im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
