shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize