is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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