I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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