how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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