You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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