Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize