things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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