All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
