You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
