glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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