Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
