If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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