Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
