You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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