Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize