Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
tell me about the fingering
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