its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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