If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
