What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize