I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
