What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
