based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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