Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
