I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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