Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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