Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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