"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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