It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
