Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
