Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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