Are we in a gay sports bar?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
