He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
