Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
