i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
