I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
