that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
