so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
