There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
