we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize