I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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