he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize