TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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