I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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