I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
