So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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