He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
