I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
