four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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