In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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