Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
