ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
