Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the room spins SO much faster in panama
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
