New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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