Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
