Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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