I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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