do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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