I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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