your thong is hanging out like whoa
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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