you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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