I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
