You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize