Christians are straight up FREAKS
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
