So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My liver just had a heart attack.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
