Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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