i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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